This Week: Zakheim: The Art of Prophetic Justice

Just when I was thinking I have wasted my time these several months back in America and that my family is a bunch of *******, who are********* and I think they should all********** and if they dont I am gonna**********this news segment aired, boosting my sense of personal and family pride enough to see this through to the end, with a smile.

that all said enjoy the show !

my first Mural in Venice Beach CA

This portait of my Gauranga diety was supposed to be in the place of the sun but I got sick the day It was to  install it as my Gaura Purnima offering ....I took it as a sign, so i left it only as the sun cutting throught the storming clouds of bad news.

Pious Piper

In the Village of Sangad. Like the Pide Piper as Our Sankirtan party crossed the village the childen would run our of theiir homes to join the fun.

A little more of me now

Well It has been exactly 2 weeks since I posted "A little piece of MEat" the day I cut off the tip of my finger. I am very happy and amazed to announce that new skin has fully bridged the wound and there is no longer raw flesh exposed, there is no scab just a very very thin membrane of pink skin. when I touch it or now use my finger a most unusual sensation occurs...it is the exact opposite of being numb but result in almost the same sense when I touch any area of the tip I feel it all over the tip, pressure applied on one side is felt equally on the other side. I am hoping that when the thicker layers of skin that contain the rest of my finger print that the sensations will be back to normalish.  I am very sad to hear today that a dear friend had just cut of the tip of her middle finger of the left hand, needless to say "I feel her pain." after hearing the similar foolishness I thought for a second that we really were perfect for one another but just as my finger tip healed so did my broken heart.

As this will soon be a scar I am reminded of the other scars on the same finger tip. the sensory memory quickly draws me back to a number of other pains and the scars and more importantly the lessons left behind.

they are not the obvious lessons don't touch hot things or sharp objects avoid touching the radiator fan while jumpstarting your car on a dark country road.

A few of the scars mark profound core lessons, which could carry with me many life times or reduce the number more I will have to take....

But I am reluctant to share them now, I have reached a plateau in this Blogging adventure. bWhat is of value to share and induce others to spend their valuable life to read..for that matter what is worthy of the life I spent to write. While I hope that my readers get some value, a drop of inspiration ,a fresh and alternate perspective or one that really resonated or a good warning not to follow this thorny path.

Perhaps it is my own unwillingness to accept my humanity even while trying to express it. I am frankly embarrassed by some of the motivations that weave through my efforts in communicating and relating to others.

The internet has provided such an efficient form of communicating , like many other very efficient things, the flavor or literally the life has been lost.  As much as I am addicted to Facebook perhaps in the wake of addiction I feel right now so strongly that unless I can smell your breath...I don't want to see your face. I don't intend to be any more offensive that your breath by that statement but the wholesome range of love and nurture that can be shared with you is diminished by an excess of other stuff being shared.

Something in me longs for a time when it again take effort to get to know someone, when discretion is the better part of valor , When you have to take the effort to climb a tree to peek it someone else's life, to stalk them. When you fall in love with some one in your own village not on the opposite end of the earth, and if you did fall in love with someone in a far off land, communication is such that it really does seem like there are far away , not that they are just out of reach, living out their life as I sleep and dream ( that reminds me of the movie Lady Hawk)

This instantaneous communication  I am gradually starting to cultivate in my relationship with God, The belief that God is far off some place, is getting eroded by consistent meditation and remembrance, by service and inquiry, by patience and  an ever evolving  acceptance of things as there are not as I hope or fear them to be.

All these silly and persistent desires are gradually separating from the core to be revealed as a part of the machine and apart from me. But I am not yet free of using such gifts of knowledge to give life to more of like nature, but instead it is used to feed this machine that has itself no mechanism for satisfaction. My machine wants to use the results of my exploration of spirit as life to attract another machine for the purpose of keeping the machine company, maybe even feed it and to make more machines that will go on to also reproduce more machines.

Perhaps a well wisher could advise me at this juncture about the appropriateness of sharing ones own spiritual experiences and realizations, the occasions accepted even though brought by pain and difficulty show to be drop of Gods causeless Mercy.

I have a few scars that marked a turning point, tempering my enthusiasm to be a recipient of The Good Lords special Mercy, and getting more than I bargained for. Stimulating the strong desire and willingness to seek a Guru to guild certain aspects of my progress. Do I share this openly or keep it dear and secret, deferring wisdom to those who wiser than me rather than trying to convince others of my own in a public setting?

I will post pictures soon of the healing a picture is worth a 1000 words.

The price of blogging during work

When I was a Model - Spring 2009 - Victorian Circus Fashion Show

 
Believe it or not this This was the first time I walked the run way in this vintage styled bathing suit, nor has it been the last.

The suit was custom designed for me the summer of 08' because with the curly moustash board shorts no longer fit with my head. The designer has so much full with it she made her spring show fit the look and asked me to model.

     The morning of the fashion show the designer asked if I would do a performance as well.

What you see at the opening when I enter was entirely unrehearsed I came up with the choreography standing in line to go on, back stage. I was luck the barbells where in my trunk(she dad wanted me to do something with a mop) At the time I was studying in the Instant Theatre  style of Performance Art under the guidance of Rachel Rosenthal. As her student, this was not my most brilliant performance but it was Damn FUN! She is an amazing sagacious person a zen master and dog lover who is  an acknowledged Living Treasure of Los Angeles. I miss working with her, I try to apply what I got as her student into my every day life to live as art.

This video clip was pulled out of the archives today as I have put this outfit on again to go to a yoga class and don't have any other sporty enlightened yoga clothes. I am thinking this has potential for a yoga cloths line : ) $$$

Skin Graph

Adamantly inanimate.

Well my pitty party is over, I'm now back to having fun...Is it just me or do all Texas athletes have the same stupid blank expressions on there faces?

After a long time of using my creative energy to solve engineering problems, this creative erruptiuon while I was supposed to be doing the accounting, was a refreshing treat.

Good things come to those who wait.

Despite my morose post yesterday it was a pretty dynamic day.

We had a meeting with the engineers of the mural relocation project  that I am overseeing (a link below if you haven't seen it)
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/facebook/7274348.html

The meeting was held in their fancy down town skyscraper office all architecturally snazzy and cutting edge.

we hadn't picked the engineers and had not been very satisfied with them up to this point, but now in the fancy office I felt a little intimidated especially in the high tech conference room with dry erase graph paper walls that you can draw our designs directly on the wall.

To date all our meetings have been on site in a half demo-ed building sitting on rusty patio furniture in the neglected court yard, with cranes swinging to and fro in the periphery, so this definitely changed my estimation of who we were dealing with.

but despite the blinged out office, the fact of the matter was that they were not providing us with what we wanted and were giving us  attitude to boot.

I will try to spare you the details But my father who is kind of a wizard and comes up with engineering principles based on his gut, (which is quite large) the engineer who is a mild mannered and non confrontational sort was getting increasingly dismissive of my fathers requests, in all fairness my dad  was interrupting his explanations and kept  demanding the same calculations but based of a feeling so it didn't have the apparent perimeters engineers want.

After an hour I was feed up, I stopped all the banter and asked what the next part of the agenda was for the meeting . the next item ended up proving my fathers concerns to be of paramount importance as it involved an engineering problem that the engineer neglected to consider. He ducked and dodged the fact that he screwed up and was essentially a jerk for not taking us seriously, himself sitting high on the reputation of the company

Three and a half hours into a one hour meeting we finally start to wrap it up. As we are getting ready to go I felt un easy with how the meeting had gone  and choose my words carefully to call the guy out on his behavior.

I had expressed in the interest of or team I feel that it is very important that we look at what happened in the meeting because it didn't work and that in the future I would like to see that the engineer would rather than belittle our concerns as unreasonable that he instead, in our future dealings, uses his meticulous eye to see where our concerns my have a relevant application, as had turned out in this case.

He deflected and justified, at this point I felt the early warning flags of rage setting in, the one triggered by perceived injustice, I had just spent the weekend experiencing this with my father and was really feeling drained from that way of being , my mind quickly calculated my attack how to make him bend in submission to my point of view which was arguably accurate( I shy from say that it was TRUE or  THE TRUTH) any way, I looked at this grown many a partner in this fancy company totally engulfed in self preservation, rattled by my keen perception .....and I chose to let it go, he didn't get what I was trying to say ...I am not going to force him. the meeting ended the air still thick gradually thinned as we shook hands and he walked us to the door with an apologetic quiver..the receptionist had go home now we will have to pay 20 bucks for parking which would have been free otherwise.

As it turns out this morning the engineer called my father, holding back tears apologized for his behavior in the meeting and affirmed his commitment to be a team player and that he will have the calculations we were originally asking for.

my father had recounted this encounter to me and I felt very satisfied, my words had effect it just took some time. This served as a confirmation to me of a way of being that works, I know I was coming from a good place, but it appeared that that was not perceived by others , rather than be attached to being understood, I accepted the outcome on his own time and the safely of his own space it seems that the intent ended up ringing true for him and he was empowered in making the correction himself.

patience paid off and allowed for a beautiful voluntary exchange of the heart, something that wouldn't have happend if I insisted on being right.

There are a few relationship in which I could apply this lesson, and i shall begin immediately.

Post dated Post

Life has been pretty heavy the last couple of days, between my injury which cripples my two fingered typing skills alone with flare ups of Father/son bonding time (gone wrong) as part of a high stress/ high stakes restoration job anong way from any place I have ever called home. I even had to face the posibility of being banned from the local krishna temple in the town I am living due to my being an assumed theat because of my affiliation of particulare devotees that are also miss Identified as a threat, all amidst celebrations and festivities. Now I right on the eve of the occasion of the passing of my Spiritual Master, my Guru and Guru to so many, more able a qualified to serve His mission. I spend my time remebering so many wonderful ocasions, triggered memories from the day to day thoughts stimulated by the appaerently mundain some thoughts triggered by drowning in it(the mundain)
I sit, I work, I pray and play then I remember, I thing of the person who last year at this time was revealled to me as as one who I should seek guildence and shelter from to address the crying and endless yearning of my heart. he invited me to associate with him, but I am Here and it seem he is there.
has the moment passed or will the time come again that I shall renew a willingness to be guilded and directed by an extention of my master.

why is it that I have chosen the knife to be my guru at this time and not he.

Though tommorrow we celebrate the passing of my master an Evangelic Angel, I come to gripps that it is not he that is dead and gone but rather it is me. I choose the temporsaty to cluch too the fault and the foul my eyes cluched tight fearing to be blinded my the light, the light of that eternal flame the torch light of knolenge to guild the way. but it is a gentle light and the fire burns away all that will not remain.

let me not make lite of this moment, but rather take light. I am comforted to thing of all of you who rejoice and morn on this day and I am saddend to have not done my part to share with you who don't know what I am talking about. I havenot shared what I have received even though I only have to gain in sharing what has been given to me from one who had gotten it from another compassionat and generous person who had gotten it too the same way.

perhaps if indeed I wake up from my sleep, as I do hope, then I will have renewed commitment to value this new day and the people that meet.

A little piece of MEat R.I.P. finger tip into the trash you go.

This morning I was given a gift in the form of having something taken from me in a very decisive manner or would it be an incisive manner? Non the less (ooh I can't really say that, in this case)
 I cut off the tip of my finger...a fair portion of the tip of the index finger of my left hand
Along with the profuse blood flowed many realizations. many thoughts connected in the same moment as the flesh disconnected....

Perhaps you would like to hear a little of the story of what happened before being satisfied with all the philosophy that follows.

I was, admittedly, hastily preparing a meal to take to work for me and my crew, my father then asked if I am leaving aside some for his wife, my mind swells with resentment.

She in my view has not been very helpful around the house and her needs have often been a source of distraction for my father since day one. I had thought that if she wanted something to eat than it would be nice that she contribute to the process. Today is dvadasi, in the morning we break fast with grains, having not eaten them the day before. Could she not have made some provision the night before, instead of brooding and scowling during our just before midnight dinner, be cause my father had a very rough day at work an hadn't share with her the detail, so he gets punishment again, now by her is this fair? Do I not do more than my share? I work from 9:00am till 9:00pm not having breakfast unless I make it for myself and every one else often not eating lunch until most people eat supper and rarely coming home to find that some one thoughtfully anticipated our arrival and had something ready. No that is not often the case at all and like last night and the night before I at at midnight and thus slept in silencing my 5:30am wake alarm. I didn't even want to eat knowing this would be the outcome but did so on my fathers request to help keep the peace.

CHOP-CHOP-CHOP I dice up the cilantro to place as a flavorful Kitchri ( a rice and mung bean stew a typical working mans meal in India) As I make my decisive concluding though that "No I will not go out of my way to leave some for her, even though a lactating mother...CHOP.... with a dramatic motion to punctuate the thought...I then realized that I cut to much...

As I wrapped the cloth to stop the bleeding I got the distinct sense something was missing, indeed , as I combed trough the chopped cilantro with my pinky finger I discovered a little pale chunk of what I had previously identified as me but not resembles less of me and more of meat.

I get the sharp feeling that my mood and mentality was off, it was not wholesome.

I pick up the little chunk of already cold flesh and realize it is no longer me, yet it carries my finger print which in unique to me alone. It has some weight, a presence in my palm though still small, after taking a photo I throw it into the trash along with bother bits of things that no longer serve a vital purpose in my life.

As the image is still fresh in my mind ,seeing the lifeless chunk  it in the palm of the hand it was once attached but now seperated part and parcel of me I remember the words of my spiritual master.....

using this same analogy.... That we are parts and parcel of God if we try to sever this relationship, thinking that we are separate or independent then the separated has no vale or enjoyment, just as, if you separated the hand from the body no one will want to keep it neither will the hand be able to enjoy separately from the body of which it is a mere part.

I realized that I was relating to my fathers wife as something other than a part and parcel of God, i was seeing serving her and indirectly her baby as something separate from my service to God. In juxtaposition of my finger I could see that my mentality was causing violence to God and myself. That by relating to others as separate from God and there by expendable or unworthy of service that it like cutting of a bit of my finger. This is not to say that every one is God but we are all his part and parcel and there by worthy of respect and care.

My Spiritual Master would conclude each of his letters  " Your ever well wisher" as his so called servant who am I not the well wisher of? is the business of the servant separate  from that of his master? No no let us not speak any more of separating thing the pain is near unbearable,

By the time I got all bandaged up the preparation was finished and I ceremoniously offered it to God feeling repentant for my previous outlook and oddly grateful to have has such sharp instruction that didn't take off more. With great love and respect tI portioned of a heartly helping of the dish for My Fathers wife and packed up the rest for taking to work.
A peacefulness set in and I knew this is the correct way to regard othere(or else!)

the shock has worn off and now the pain has set in.

I am further reminded of a Sanskrit prayer in which it is stated that one should chant the holy names of the lord in a humble state of mind , thinking oneself lower than the straw in the street more tolerant than a tree, devoid of a sense of false prestige and a willing to offer all respect on to others , in such a state of mind one can chant the name of the Lord constantly. I am reminded of this because as I write this I am having to tolerate an extraordinary amount of pain, who am I to complain to and what good would it do the pain will remain just as a tree is cut even after giving so many fruits but does not complain or with hold, or go away,, the combined constant steadying of mind actively tolerating throbbing pain has given my an even gaze, like that of a very detached mystic in the Himalayas( it could be the vicadine) and I have to keep my finger pointed up ward which gives me a scholarly and preceptor air about me. As if always poised to give good instruction and to indicate a constant command.... Upward!
 Certainly it serves as an excellent reminder for me

the moral of the story being you have nothing to loose willingly being of service to others, where as by resisting this fact even loosing a little can be very painful.

Everyone is very dear to God no one is to be left out,m

I also have come to consider that trying to enjoy others as separate from God , for instance to relate to a woman as her body and not recognizing that with in the body is spirit the true self which gives life to the body, that make the body desirable, and not just rubbish like the discarded bit of flesh from my finger, that that similarly is an act of violence, every one deserve to be related to as there highest expression....is it not? so who am I to confine one to the limitations of being admired for their body. This point recently made by a friend who after complimenting in excess, her beauty, replied " You are going to have to get over that, its not becoming of you...I not my body you know....for me to say truth spoke "from the mouths of babes"
would be accurate on may levels. Cutting of the tip of my finger some how triggered a flow of thoughts that enable that I can actually identify with the pain of being regarded as only the body on nothing more.

now the vicadin is starting to kick in so I think I am going to bring this to a close.

this is whats news with me?

lhttp://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/facebook/7274348.html

maintaining the balance of simple life

village of sangad, western rajastan

 

When did I become a Deutschfreundlichen: Chapter One

Chapter One: how to blow your nose

For my facebook friends you may have remembered my making note of this line of though a few weeks back. resulting from the dialog a wonderful word:  deutschfreundlichen came into the conversation by my dear and brilliant friend Leo Tolkin who is a master cellist and viola degamba player(I think he prefers the later) and has a remarkable appreciation for the feuges of Bach and an equally remarkable abillity to communicate their exquisitet composition with words and robust hand movements.


The subject came a gain to a head, my head, as a result of a new hair cut and a head cold that I am presently suffering with, (the cold, that is , not the hair cut).


while looking in the mirror(which I will neither confirm nor deny that I do often) and blowing my nose, my father, who tends to walk in on me in the bathroom often to have conversation, cautioned that I blow my nose properly.


My thought immediately rushed back some 20 something years to when i first was taught how to blow my nose Properly and why...plugging one nostril at a time pressing with the thumb and index finger, for left and right respectively all while holding a tissue or hanky  in  place. the alternating action exercised so as to not cause damage to the ears. the man who originally taught me this was not my father but rather one of his adversaries a man who had wished to have married my mother, my German neighbor.


As I traced my steps through the 70's decor of his apartment and down the hall to where I stood looking at the top of my head in the mirror standing on my tippy toes to see myself blowing into the tissue...I remembered the next lesson in personal hygiene...how to comb the hair..WHAM!.. 

 At this point I realised that when I have hair and cut it my self I often fashion it it very similar to how he showed me at 6 of 7 years of age, 

( I have evolved to exhibit a little more flair than his basic doo...but the foundational influence is undeniable, especially the too the side and back combing motion with his military issued aluminum comb)



He had wished to be my dad and I was happy to oblige him. He let me run around his apartment with his unloaded pugnosed revolver as well as a 9mm clicking away at imaginary evil doers.

Once having gotten a good deal on lots of deliciously ripe mangoes, bought a deep freeze so that he could cut them up and freeze them they supplied a years worth of daily mango milkshakes I would get after school, he taught me how to savor german potato pancakes with a dash of powdered sugar and a side of apple sauce, and I could always count on a bug bowl of marble fudge ice cream and a tour of his Mercedes bus camper conversion and where he had a safe with guns under the mattress this was the very same bus that Sulochan an early ex-poser of bogus guru antics was shot in the head in (for reference read monkey on a stick...on second though probably better not too) I non the less thought it was cool to be in a vehical that was once a murder scene.... its like being in a movie!


Everything went south with him when one day I was practicing too  be an ungrateful teenager, shared with my friend ,while enjoying a big bowl of his endless supply of Marble fudge ice cream (the new steady resident of the deep freeze), that I don't real like him and that I am actually just using him because he gives me stuff and takes me places, this statement , a direct quote from my older sister, I actually didn't  really feel. He over heard my "trying it out statement" and taking it seriously red faced with anger and undoubted heartache of betrayal banished me from ever coming again to his home. 


I was fearful and devastated at the outcome of my false words, He held grudges like no man I have ever met and it took a decade or more until he was willing to speak to me. not having his "boy scout leader" oversight and adventures I joined the ranks of my friends and we banded together as the local gang of trouble makes. No more camping trips or barge rides in the canals or bike rides to the beach, when we got ourselves in a pickle he was no longer there to save the day.


2)      Jumping a head a proportionate lifetime 


NOTE: My computer was having problems while I was writing this post and while I had thought it saved the rest of the text the fact is that it had not. There was a theme that I was developing all based around German influences in my life. In my own opinion as the author the other 3 chapters that were lost, were much more interesting than the one that remained, in fact this story wasn't even finished. I will never get back the hours of thought and two finger typing that it took to compose and frankly I don't feel like investing the time again right now, I will take it some how as an act of God and I will spend some time pondering what was missing...to have it go missing. perhaps I will revisit the theme later but for now I am moving on. I am sorry to present you with something incomplete but I liked the images that I found on the internet to illustrate this portion and was attached to sharing them with you. 

As a public service announcement I would strongly advise, from personal experience now on the matter, to make sure that the computer you are using is set to"safe search" before searching for images that may contain the word"blowing" in the search phrase. You may find it difficult to find what you are looking for.....unless that is what you are look for.

thanks for reading God Bless, Hare Krishna, and safe searching

Daily Darshan of Sri Avadhuta Nityananda Prabhu and Sri Krishna Chaitanya Mahaprabhu

Transcendental Gems

From time to time, it is my hope that something I write be valuable not merely indulgent or self serving. while the after-mentioned is undoubtedly present none the less wish to offer you this Transcendental Gem (with the usual extra verbiage,)

Today while working repainting damages on the mural, the all pervading hypnotic humming drone of machines, provoked the melodious vibrations of Srila Prabhupada chanting Bramha samhita, from my memory......yes i often hear Srila Prabhupada chanting in my mind...I say this not so much to be praised(though if you wish to i will not object strongely ) I actual share this as a recommendation, that if you listen regularly to Srila Prabhupada's kirtans and bhajans, you will continue to hear them though out you days..no need of an I pod any more or state of the art sound systems.

As I am quite fond to do, I sang along to these melodies so sweet a pure ,this is my message to you-hoo-hoo, oh don't worry doo-doo-doo-doo, not a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright....(wait that's a bob marley song.....see if bob can get stuck in my head why not Srila Prabhupada!)

 While chanting I noticed that I was enjoying the sweet sound of my own voice following that of my Masters in my mind. As wonderful the moment was, I was not so connected to the actual deep meaning of the song.

I started contemplating the words that Brahma (the creator of this universe) exclaimed in mature ecstasy.....Chintamani (a transcendental wish fulfilling gem) prakarasadamasu, Kalpavriksha (a wish fulfilling Tree) lakapriteshuru......my knowledge of sanskit is very limited but the two words I knew were Chintamani and Kalpavriksha, both of which are wish fulfilling fixtures of the spiritual world.

I didn't need much more knowledge that this to be hit with a beautiful realization, a revelation, small compared to Brahmas revelation but for little me I was satisfied.

Bramha ji discribes what has been revealed to him of the spiritual world, it being a land comprised of wish  fulfilling stone (cintamani) and desire trees(kalpavricksha)...now at this point, just consider if you were in a place that could fulfill all your desires , in real time as you are having them, what would you see around you that would reflect your desires?.....pretty weird stuff huh?...i am not even going to write down what I was imagining. And what did Brahma ji see?

He saw a lush and vibrant,self effulgent land with out any need of electricity, where everything is conscious, cows giving an endless supply of milk, irrigating the lush grasses with their abundant supply of milk...he saw Goddess of Fortune in the form of cowherd maidens engaged in loving service...He heard the masterful melodious tones of Krishna's flute playing..and how everything was oriented for the pleasure of the unlimited multifunctional transcendental senses of the Beautiful Blackish Boy Krishna ..the All attractive personality of Godhead who wears a string of forest flowers around his neck ornamented by jewels with a peacock feather adoring his head....every one even the grasses were actively engaged, happily in loving service mood...and from this nucleus in the spiritual sky every thing else is emanating ever expanding until we find ourselves write where we are right now in this little universe looking at our little computer screens.

This is what is so amazing so as to induce spiritual ecstasy from my Masters heart as he would sing this hymn, I got just a drop  for one slight moment of how wonderful this is, in a place where all desire can be fulfilled what is going on there, people are desiring to give pleasure to their beloved,, who is God , Krishna the all attractive......

The poet saint Narottam das thakur proclaims Golokera prema dhana hari nama sankirtana....that this transcendental realm , Gods own abode in the spiritual sky descends to this world in the Chanting of the Lords own Holy Names, it is recommended in this age to chant Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare to cleans the heart of misconception and uncover the senses to perceive God.

I have come across many things that promise less and cost much more, there by benefiting some one else.
This cost nothing and benefits everyone including me....now that's what I call a good deal!

From the time I was a lap child, enjoying being the object of my families affection attention and service, any thing i wanted all i had to do is make some demand and i would get a nice breast with milk or a toy or carried picked up and embraced, I was the center of everyone's life especially the goddess of fortune I called mom, then one day people had other priority or said you are a big boy now you can wipe your own butt. I felt cheated, neglected, and dishonored. i have spent nearly 30 years trying to regain my lost status of being the all in all the centre.....the gigabits of hard drive space it would take for me to record my failures in this attempt would be excessive.

As I hear how wonderful it is... how much joy they experience...to be a humble servant of the All Attractive Lord...I am drawn almost to accept defeat...to surrender..to have my willingness to give pleasure be independent of my desire to receive pleasure.....to like them be peaceful free from envy anger or lust...to express unconditional love, equal in happiness and distress..to be of service because that is who I am not because you paying me..to be fearless and to help others be fearless too..this is all waiting for me, for when I reawaken my love for You

Indian train Kirtan

a trashy photo

             "Serving a Republic that Wastes"

my lil' ham

her she is admiring a photo of herself posing with glasses on

my lil' lamb

I bought her this in San Francisco because it was very cold and she was too cute in it

Thinking about SEX (with photos and improved spelling and more better grammer)

I don't know what you were expecting when you click on this post, but it will probably be different then what you may have been fearing but were curious still to see. Or perhaps you could see past my "shock value" tactics.

i will try to keep it brief, and as always I will be keeping it in my briefs....moving right along...

I will be taking about my thoughts on sex leaving out as much of the back story as i can  and just get down to business.


Amidst a life time of dealing with, being born as a result of ,participating and avoiding to one degree or another... SEX. I have come to some operational conclusions, I say operational in that my life is a work in progress and as far as realized knowledge is concerned this reflects where I am at, while recognizing that there is much more to realize and apply.

the gradual cyrstalisation of thought has now becomed a little more polished if you will, by the abrasion of life and now shines crystal clear (i know poetic aint it)

new light has illuminated these thoughts during my recent travels to San Francisco thus they occupy my mind
 now and I feel compelled to dedicate it to writing.



when society seeks to gratify the senses independent of the full function of the senses and the outcome, the society is in a diseased state, when we eat with out concern for the nutritional value of what we eat, but simply for the independent pleasure of the tongue, ill health will result. On the positive side when we find that balance of nutrition, and taste ,even when we add the element of sacred ceremony and make as an offering of love to the divine source of our sustenance, how much better, the tongue is please the belly digests and assimilates thus the body is nourished and all parts of the body thrive and  perhaps even The Almighty is pleased as well.

perhaps this is a satisfactory exploration of the pros and cons

Similarly SEX  (all caps to provide a sense of magnitude) when engaged simply as an act for pleasure can be seen as a source of social dis-ease  making life more complicated or uncomfortable, Not only is unrestricted sex the source of many diseases now of great concern to the population of our planet, but the natural out come of sex , the miracle of bringing another being into the world, or pregnancy is treated with the same disdain and fear as getting an STD. Doesn't this seem off? the same act can bring life or death but both are treated the same way with the fear being a hinderence to enjoyment.

Spending a week with my baby niece Hladini Shakti devi dasi or affectionately known as Lali, really completed the relization for me.

she is so sweet, I felt so fortunate to have the opportunity to serve her, to feed her, to have her fall asleep in my arms, to comfort her with sweet melody's. the joy of sex compares nothing to this joy yet the two are some how linked by divine arrangement that the outcome of the profound pleasure of SEX is the proud responsibility of bringing life into the world ,of protecting and guiding this impressionable dependent being ,into a free standing individual and member of society at large.

From this point of view what good could we expect from having  sex separate from the sacred act of reproduction and instead have haphazardly children in the matter of cats and dogs .

the Hysteria around sex gets quickly satisfied when mature spiritual knowledge is cultivated, it looses the guilt and shame and moral punch and instead is understood as a conduit for divine love. The sex principle being  the means by which loving relationships of the absolute can be expressed. Since this is a public form I will not go into detail. to understand the Transcendental Sex Principle the great knowers guide us to first humbly submit at the feet of God as transcendental servants, free envy of the enjoyment of God, then one can understand.

The experience of sex is secondary to the relationship, the crude example I came to and shared with a friend in a regrettable but well intended chat message, is in the instance of porn.
As a child being introduce to the subject by the older kids of the spiritual community in which I was raised, primarily with judio-chistian right and wrong morality with a Hare Krishna makeover (shaved heads and saffron robes) as a newbie' to the whole thing, I was often bored with and confused as to the existence if the limp plot lines, I thought why bother when we really know it is just about the sex, my not entirely baked mind hadn't come to realize that the limp story was there because the sex alone wasn't satisfying enough....because it lacks relationship, (sometime perhaps I will also share my observations on Fashion and how it relates in this regards). It is all about relationship and the story that is told, why else would we blog?




I haven't joined a Christian Promise Group with Miley Sirus or the kids from Highschool Musical

but I am committed to honoring life and pleasure in the units that it comes in. I have been blessed with the message of Godhead in the form of Bhagavad Gita As It Is, from someone who walked the walk and talked the talk, who told it straight when every one else was saying if it feels good do it, follow your bliss, be here now....with out concern for the consequences.

for my part I would rather life a life of longing than a life of regret



so that's it folks (i threw in the bit about porn so that you didn't feel cheated)

Srila Prabhupada chants Hare Krishna. 1966

When I view this recording I see two levels operating, on one side (the response) they are all saturated in some kind of identity, trying to do it right, to by a hippie or a seeker or a mystic nature lover. they provide the visual which gives this a dated feel.

Then there is His Divine Grace AC Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada before he was know by such a tittle fully content to be known as Swami Ji sharing fully the same message he has recieved from his Guru the same message coming from Krishna Himself an eternal message of good will ever inviting to re-join Him in the spiritual realm. this Kindom of go is not a far off place but exists were ever God is glorified by devotees free from envy and self motivation.

The intensity with which Swami ji chants must seems to stem from a profound commitment to share this greatest gift irregardless of the qualifications of the participants, he chanted such whether an apparent audience was present , be cause the actual audience is his Guru and Krishna, it is activity done not as a performance but a stand alone act of devotion which the basis of which expanded into a world wide movement and following, many temple and land cars and money but non of this added to or took away from this powerful expression.

we have access to this gift and example if we wish to take it for our own lives and share it with others, in your home in the park on the radio or on the stage or the internet

The Daily Life I Miss

http://picasaweb.google.com/kuva108/SylvieSPhotos 
this is a link to a kirtan with snake charmers in Jaipur

A village where I am developing a retreat center in the foot hills of the Himalayas near kandya ashram where the historical Shakuntala after whom my sister was named was born.