Life has been pretty heavy the last couple of days, between my injury which cripples my two fingered typing skills alone with flare ups of Father/son bonding time (gone wrong) as part of a high stress/ high stakes restoration job anong way from any place I have ever called home. I even had to face the posibility of being banned from the local krishna temple in the town I am living due to my being an assumed theat because of my affiliation of particulare devotees that are also miss Identified as a threat, all amidst celebrations and festivities. Now I right on the eve of the occasion of the passing of my Spiritual Master, my Guru and Guru to so many, more able a qualified to serve His mission. I spend my time remebering so many wonderful ocasions, triggered memories from the day to day thoughts stimulated by the appaerently mundain some thoughts triggered by drowning in it(the mundain)
I sit, I work, I pray and play then I remember, I thing of the person who last year at this time was revealled to me as as one who I should seek guildence and shelter from to address the crying and endless yearning of my heart. he invited me to associate with him, but I am Here and it seem he is there.
has the moment passed or will the time come again that I shall renew a willingness to be guilded and directed by an extention of my master.
why is it that I have chosen the knife to be my guru at this time and not he.
Though tommorrow we celebrate the passing of my master an Evangelic Angel, I come to gripps that it is not he that is dead and gone but rather it is me. I choose the temporsaty to cluch too the fault and the foul my eyes cluched tight fearing to be blinded my the light, the light of that eternal flame the torch light of knolenge to guild the way. but it is a gentle light and the fire burns away all that will not remain.
let me not make lite of this moment, but rather take light. I am comforted to thing of all of you who rejoice and morn on this day and I am saddend to have not done my part to share with you who don't know what I am talking about. I havenot shared what I have received even though I only have to gain in sharing what has been given to me from one who had gotten it from another compassionat and generous person who had gotten it too the same way.
perhaps if indeed I wake up from my sleep, as I do hope, then I will have renewed commitment to value this new day and the people that meet.
Thanks for your thoughts, we are all Srila Prabhupada's children, an need so much guidance from all of his other children. If at first u don't succeed try try again, & no matter how many difficulties come your way remember that everything is actually ok because you're a soul any way and nothing can touch you. ~Krsnaa
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